everythin else....

I spent the last week or so with entirely no internet access or whatsoever. Hence all i could do was to rattle on my Words and paste everythin over when im back... so there u go.....



20th Dec

Had a totally blessed work day just before our break I was caught on a cold, perhaps by the neurotic weather, and the 4 hours getting stuck in a jam on our way to work didn’t help any better. Before I know it, my whole my body was aching – a mix of the virus and the sleeping on the coach. And so, just one day after John and Paul left us, our very first show was cancelled due to this unprecedented jam. Great thing was that everyone was just laughing over it! We had our beginners, standby and our meet and greet all in the bus! On top of that, we almost didn’t make it for our second show! And so we had our 20 before beginners on the bus too. I almost felt like shit when I was in the cookie monster, so the meet and greet was actually terrible. I must admit that I’m not at all a professional actor but hey, good thing about operating on a suit was that cookie remained professional even though I didn’t – he was still smiling throughout the show even though I was cursing and swearing inside him! Way to go, Cookie!

Right after the second show is usually my favorite time of the day – Dinner! But I was too tired, too hungry, to get my butt out for food. So I had my dear friends to grab my bite for me. Ignorance is not bliss – especially when you don’t know that the fried rice you are getting for your friend will turn cold and oily and completely gross after a very short while. Well, as Trey as I am, I couldn’t differentiate bad food from the good one just as I can’t tell white wine from beer. I gobbled down the food, thinking that I must be damn hungry. And when my tummy protested by starting its little dance floor inside, I could have smelled something fishy. But hey! No! I thought I was hungrier than ever and continued shoving the cold fried rice down my throat! And of course the stomach had to blow the dance floor to a full fledge rock ‘n’ roll concert!

As much as all the mishaps have happened, I was actually very fortunate as at the same time, while I was worrying how the rock concert in me might just turn out to be puke erupting while I’m in Cookie suit, the shops in the mall were all halving their shutter, and when I hit the back stage, the manager of the mall was just explaining to Daniel that there will be no power supply in the shopping centre that night and we would have to skip the show that night! Can you believe it? I was so ready to puke inside the mascot and be all professional about it and dance on in ‘pookie’ monster. But I was saved! Hahahaha…..


I guess at the end of the day, it’s really about one’s perspective on how he or she can be blessed. But I’m just saying that it has to be the shoten zenjin protecting me from the worse that could happen.


22nd Dec


After a one day break, we’re on for the show again. Today has been bluntly exciting. Perhaps there was more than just my blessing for the last show’s cancellation. I’m starting to believe that there is a bigger mechanism that is structuring the failure of our shows. It is a very foul spell, a curse…. a Daniel.
Evidence of Daniel as the alpha-jinx:

1) Our show success rate has been maintaining at an all time low of 33.333% since the day he took over as the Show Manager.
2) Michelle’s Cell phone was robbed while she was talking to him.
3) Malaysia flooded when he came over to Malaysia.
4) Singapore was already raining very heavily before he came over to Malaysia.
5) Teng Hong became my room-mate.


Ok, crap….



Our first show was called off half way because the vocal tracks for all the characters were not able to be played… (HUH???) And the last show was called off half way due to a power trip in the mall. So, we only had one successful run for today. Strange enough, everyone seems to value the success of the show more and more. For me, I only wish the children who came to watch this show did not left feeling disappointed, since they missed out my personal favorite – the snow and the confetti.


Since we only theoretically performed for one show (though Elmo did most of her part for all the 3 shows before hazard occurs), Priscilla assumed that we were all good and fit to go for a midnight, which was of course anything for me, since I’m such a sucker for cinemas.


Ok, on to the main topic – Confessions of Pain.

There are many ways to motivate oneself to accomplish great things in life. Usually, they are things that are far beyond his or her immediate need. In this show, the directors consistently remind us of the driving force behind all the motivations of the characters – Pain. All the actions and reactions are solely motivated by pain. Pain of the lost of one’s beloved; Pain acted upon others from following one’s sexual desire; Pain resulted from causing pain in others; Pain from the childhood; Pain from one’s ignorance; Pain from one’s past; Pain from a predicted future.
The movie started by exemplifying how a murderer inflict physical pain on his sex victim and for that he had to experience physical pain when the Chief smashed his head after seeing the grotesques he created upon his victim. The most blatant example for pain - blood, gore and all other physical torture.

But they are all the same. These physical pains are nothing but manifestations of the pain experienced by one’s internal torment.



“Do you know why does wine taste so good?”

“… …”

“It is because they are difficult to swallow, that’s why they taste so good.”

If only the Chief can manifest all his pain by swallowing wine, in that way, he didn’t have to kill. Apparently that is the only solution that the director provided. At least that numbed Bong’s vengeance – he was cleaning the back of the concussed patient who was the cause of his girlfriend’s death.


Chief’s Resolution – Revenged, but had to suffer for his vengeance, death of his closet kin again.

Bong’s Resolution – Found out the cause of his GF’s death. Numbed all hatred with wine and found a new lease of life again.

Guess drinking is not too bad a deal, actually!


23rd Dec

Our days in Malaysia are drawing to an end, and I hope this will not be the last time I’m traveling on work! I’ve had a chance to see how and learn and feel how the people in Malaysia like. They’ve been generally warm and live a humble life. Interesting facts about Malaysian (based on my observation):

The poorer people are usually the friendlier ones.
The taxi drivers are very lowly paid – Meter starts at RM 2.5 and skips only every couple minutes.
They don’t like to use the meter because they don’t earn much with it .
Lucky thing is that their rent is relatively cheap! – RM40 per day.
Most of the drivers are friendly and they don’t mark up the price too much.
The Chinese drivers in JB don’t seem to like their Malay counterpart too much.






24th Dec

Tomorrow would be my darling’s birthday! I can’t wait to go back to her! Poor thing, she has been having severe gastric problem for the past many many days… She just vomited again. I’m hoping that my going back on the night of her birthday could surprise her! Nonetheless, I’m also quite worried, because my dear Stage Manager just told me that there might be an extra show to compensate for us being late for our first show few days back due to the flood. Worse of all, the show could possibly be on either 25th, which means that I might have 4 shows that night and thus be back later. Or even, if the show is on 26th, I wouldn’t be able to go back on baby’s birthday! Guess there’s nothing much I could do but to keep my fingers crossed.


I’ve ordered the purple roses! They’re gorgeous! And I’ve also ordered the raspberry cheese cake, which looks unbelievably delicious! Mummy has also been so nice as to get the camera for me! Now, all I need is to buy a birthday card for my darling to clear the list! I hope I can remember! And I’m really glad that I have the time to get all these things slowly and quite systematically!


Come to think about it, I was wondering what to get for the rest of the guys and how to write a note for them! My other concern is also if I’ve got enough money to make my way home or not. I think I have barely less than a hundred to survive the rest of the days, lunch and all!


Next is that I’ve bought 2 more tops from Mango, which makes my luggage half a Mango Display. I think I’ve spent almost S$300 in that boutique! What to do? I’m quite clueless about my girlfriend, and I only remember her saying that she is pretty much a Mango girl, so I guess as long as the label is there, she wouldn’t say no to it!

Ok, think I’m gonna crash, it’s almost 4am and I really dun have the energy to rattle on any longer… Goodnight.

Day Two~

Day Two

We started the morning by a breakfast that was, other than too salty, too pepperish, too bland, everything was actually quite fine. I have decided that age is catching up and I could no longer eat as much as I used to. Two rounds into my buffet, with a small bowl of porridge, and a simple set of English breakfast took me very quickly to my brim. Lastly, I topped it up with a glass of milk (not cold at all!), a cup of coffee, and a glass of orange - the perfect recipe for a smoothie in the toilet~~!

Shortly after, we were all ready to go to our performing venue – the brand new Jusco Shopping Centre in KL. Indeed, it is very ulu… there was nothing around the building at all! Empty land and on one side, some factories or something… very old, very low…

Our coach got stuck as we arrive at the mall, I guess we went up the curb and the wheels got stuck in the soil. One day before the Grand Opening of the new Shopping Centre, we were at the car park in front of the mall, having our very own ground breaking session. Even the tarmac got dug up on the other side of the bus. Somehow after looking at damages made, I was quite sure the bus was not just a pretty transport, but also a sturdy fighting machine at the outside!


The whole team was starting gel as we took pictures in the bus…


I’m impress by how inform I suddenly am, after watching 2 days of BBC – there was nothing else to watch on the Malaysia Hotel T.V:

Channel 1: TV1 (Local TV) – Boring…
Channel 2: TV2 (Local TV) – Boring… …
Channel 3: TV3 (Local TV) – Boring… … …
Channel 4: NHK (Japanese Documentary Channel) – WTH!?
Channel 5: ESPN (Sports??!!!!???) - *&^%^%%(&(^%^!!!!
Channel 6: BBC World (MY CHANNEL.)
Channel 7: NTV 7 (Local TV) – Boring... … … …
Channel 8: 8TV (Local TV) – Boring… … … … …
Channel 10: Vision Four (Channel A) - Very Blur English Channel.
Channel 11: Vision Four (Channel B) - Blur Channel, but still watch-able.

Day One

My very first night in Kuala Lumpur, lying alone in the hotel room, feeling all satisfied, only with slight distress. The food and the shopping had pretty much buffered the friction created from the transition crossing boundaries. I am silently grateful for the single room. Finally, I’m thrown into the abyss of lonesomeness, only to recall that one can always see clearer without disturbance. And hence my hotel room has became a shrine for myself, rid of all distractions but only the motor behind the spinning fan above me, and the all-so-familiar tunes soothing through the silence in this shrine. I’m discovered a sense of serenity. Sweet…. Lovely….

Continue with the more sensible updates of my shopping escapade. I was slightly pissed off with the rogue that sold me 4 out of 6 DVDs with the wrong or unclear versions. Had a good bargain session with that scoundrel, only to have him cheating me off to take his sweet revenge on my vicious bargaining ability. If I am going back anytime this week, I would demand that he returns me a proper version of all that I ask for. If not, I might have to wreck a scene in the crowd to make him learn his lesson… heeehee.


Ok, getting all tired, my eyes are giving way to chill wind in the room.

Goodnight.

I survived!!!!

Im glad I actualli survived through the first day of my hell week... hooray!!!


My day started very early in the morning 5am, having to go to the hotel to pick up (with baby) to the Bandbaz Brothers - finally, their departure after spending almost 2 weeks in Singapore performing at Millenia Walk everyday. So after sending them to the airport and seeing them off, we return home to catch a quick nap.


Subsequently, my rehearsal proper started around 11.30am at fort canning and it carried on through out the day til about 5+pm, when i proceed on to Geylang for my Faithworks tech and dress run. Surprisingly i was the earliest and i had some time to rest, but i din think they did me good as after the rest, i was overwhelmed with headache. Didn't perform at all, which was very unprofessional on my part, but my head was practically performing a rock concert inside. By the time we finished our tech run, it was already 9pm and i had to rush for my rehearsal at Why Not. Thank You Sandy for dropping me a panadol before i left, realli helped big time. (im surprised!)


And so i took a bus home to grab the car. and sped off to Truss Street, was earlier than Aaron (yay!) and we quickly started our rehearsal. I was too tired to be stress, so it was pretty alright... Worked on for 2 numbers until 11.30pm and i was released to go home and rest! hahahhaa...... tom's an exact re-enactment of today, at least im mentally prepared!



I only have until Sunday! Must strive on! Must strive on!!!!

my new investment

lasep

While holding onto our memories, we tend to live for a past.
we do things that we are doing now so that when we look back, it would be beautiful.
we keep pictures of ourselves at different times, our friends, the places that we've been to, the good times that we had, just so as to remind ourselves that we had once lived, passionately.

it the midst of creating a nostalgia, we sometimes hold back to many of these memories.
my papa keeps every single thing that he thought was useful and could possibly be useful again.
my house is like a garage, the distasteful type.

I was lookin at one of my most precious light, a sensor-activated-lamp. it was a 21st bdae present given to me by my beloved college buddies~ but it has lost its sensitivity and decides to take hold of a task as a vase instead.




However, i guess we all move on, and i thought it was a time for it to move on too. My initial idea of it switchin to a vase was to hope that one fine day, the sensor my miraculously resurrect by itself. But i guess it has expired its stay both as a lamp and a vase.


So on this fine 24thNov, I am going to let you go. we let go of certain parts of our past so as to accomodate more of our future. This is what we meant by moving on. Not every departure should be upsetting. Sometimes, when we learn to let go, we learn to gain more.

'

to....

to her....

Im glad that you've moved on, I'm glad you have found someone that could treasure you more than i do. You're right. In life, sometimes we need to go through certain hardships in order to enjoy the blossom of the flowers. I hope you will savour the wonder that you enjoy now forever, and not have to go through yet another turmoil. You deserve better, I'm glad you found it.




to him...

I'm sorry to know that your relationship has sour to a mere "officially attached". She was somebody that made me learn what fear was, and i'm thankful to her for that. The joy that one brings can flipped into the worse nightmare, knowing that all the love you had could instantly be nullified, how can one not fear that? We all need to go through certain experiences in life, some pain, so as to appreciate the joy that comes after it. No matter how your relationship turns out to be, I wish you the best in life. And that i do not have a chance to know you and say sorry for all the wrong that i've done to you, and the pain that i've casted upon you, whether you know it or not. I'm sorry.




to them...

It is no way a coincidence that the two of you meet. Every union is the act of fate, whether you recognised it or not. It really doesn't matter how others might see the of you. What is really important is that you treasure each other and make sure you show each other how much you care. Because you never know when it could be the last time to shower your love to her. You both experienced the departure of a close kin, so please remember how fragile life can be and hence not to hold back, before it is too late.




to you...

Like what I've said earlier, everything in life happens for a reason, and your reason in my life is definitely joy. No matter what happens in the future, be it heaven or hell, just remember that at this moment, we are holding onto something that is very real, and very true. We may not be able to see it or hear it, but we can definitely feel it - it is right in our hearts, our love for each other, may it stay true for as long as we can savour.

ripple

Dove - Evolution Commercial

千里走单骑。

Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles, Zhang Yi Mou's latest (though not too recent) film, brings him back to his forte - 文艺片. Not really sure how to translate this... guess it should be something like, literature art film? hahah.

Very moving, very touched. By everything in and out of the film.

The script, plot, storyline... everythin's simple yet dynamic, is not somethin that can be pulled through without strong actors and director.

The acting, be it by the great Takakura Ken, who acted as Takata, or all the other local first-timers in the film, there is so much sincerity in everybody. I wish i can have a chance to work with such great actors!


The sincerity for the film can be sensed in every aspect in the film. There is a nice story that needs to be told. So everyone just put in their best in their expertise to tell this story. Simple as that. Well, i can't think of any other more powerful of bombastic vocab becos there is no need. You just need to watch it, and appreciate it.

time to reflect...

Splendid Ad! Too bad the owner doesn't allow it to be posted outside youtube, pls take a look and comment!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1RwJc0ObmI

juz got my room repainted!


have been spending the last few days with my baby,
its been dunno how many days since i last spend the nite alone.

feels wierd....


its exactly one month since i officially declare myself as a free-lance performer.
things hasn't been too bad as i've managed to make my end's meet for this month, not alot of money but what can i say? its a good start!





was working as a coordinator in the transportation and security for the Chinese Music Awards last weekend.. met quite a lot of stars, like Twins, Gary Cao, Rainie Yeung, May Day, Eason, Andy Lau, Joey Yung, Guang Liang, Fish Leong...etc~~~~ and alot more.... haha.... had a few observations...

1. All Male Artistes needs to wear shades and cap... (other than Andy and Eason)
2. All Artistes probably look like any common people on the street, TRUST ME - anyone can be a Singer, looks probably is not that important! (other than Joey and Andy)
3. They are mostly short. (other than Joey)
4. The China Artistes are unusually friendly and have no Airs! (other than Li Yu Chun... BAH!)
5. The more experienced the Artiste is, the more friendly they appear to be. (eg: Andy Only.)
6. When they come for the Ceremony, they're probably gonna win something.
7. Local fans are relatively guai. Some shout for their Idol, most only stand around.
8. Interesting how some Artistes' manager can actually do sound check and rehearsal for their Artistes like they know how to sing.
9. When they tell u their coming down from the hotel room in 5 min, they meant 15min AT LEAST.
10. CAPS, SHADES, and other accessories like those are probably more for informing others that he or she is an artiste rather than protecting their identity, hence certain artiste (like Andy) dun need, cos everyone probably knows him.




Retro show i juz did... haha

moving on!

my baby has been reminding not be too superstitious, due to the fact that i was told since early this year that...1) this is a bad year for those born in the year of the DOG, and 2) this is my decade-turning-point, where things will take a 180 degree turn and i'll probably be swept off my feet and get hurt really bad.


well... i shan't be superstitious, but actual fact is that this year hasn't been exactly smooth.... but wth, changes are inevitable, and obstacles can only build a oneself. I have, in this year thus far, broke some people's heart, and at the same time be broken by others. i share a fair deal of guilt and sadness throughout the last 6 months or so... The only motto that stood by me was that WHAT CANNOT BREAK YOU WILL ONLY BUILD YOU.


I guess I have hit rock bottom in the pit and stayed there for quite a fair deal. Things can only get better, and it should be! For those that i've hurt, im realli sorry for all that i've done but i realli do hope that you will be able to stand up and live life as it should be again... And for those who have involuntarily hurt me, i've moved on so pls dun feel guilty anymore, and move on too.


there are tonnes of ups and downs that we face in life, what is important is to enjoy the ups and learn from the downs, so that we can only be better day by day. =)


thank you baby, for throwing the ropes and pulling me up! (wah rau, so literal...)

pic trial~

i wanna try to put pictures up my blog....

sorry for being so suaku, but its quite fun and im bored... so bear with me!

hee...

my new pad

Im tryin to get my pet up and going... but i dunno where to put the codes such that it would end up on the correct side of my blog.... hahah...

tue: 10 Oct. Luther's Bdae.

I'm kicking out late for today, but I'll still be kicking around!


... lame...



ANway, Today's agenda is gonna be tight.

Things to do:

1. Collect DVD from Padam/Tracey.
2. Chant.
3. Go Library.
4. FaithWorks Casting @ 3pm
5. Attend Valane Granny's Funeral Wake (today or tom).
6. Go to Crocodile (today or tom).


Now, im gonna chant first, then call padam to check for the whereabouts
of my dvd... then i'll go collect from him and go to the casting... then esplanade, then come back.

.

This is getting bad


I haven't been chanting for the past 1 day! and today i haven't chant also!
die...die...die... can feel im losing my discipline!


okok, after im back, must start by chanting...

then go thru my dance steps...

then go read up and try to finish my Coarse Acting Book...

baby gimme one more time!

Today's schedule is a lil tight...

I hope to keep it tight...

Tonite, I'm having a rehearsal at WHY NOT. I will have to be very competent by tonite so that on friday's show, i'll be able to deal with any last min changes... Actually its not that bad, guess im juz scaring myself. Like Valane, i think i have this fear of trying, but i still do it anyway...

Speaking about doing it, that's exactly what i'm doing - Expose Karaoke Competition!

I'm doing it AGAIN! It is getting kinda wierd, i can feel that my voice has deterioted by folds. Or maybe it could juz be my confidence level. I seem to be lacking what my baby calls it "internal echo". So i'm just gonna scream my way through the preliminary tonite with JJ's 曹操. I needa find my voice (or confidence) back!


Ive cleared my piano session for today. So I still needa chant, and I will start reading this new book that i borrowed from library yesterday - "The Art of Course Acting" by Michael Green. Not sure if it's helpful but it sure is damn funny! And I saw one segment of Saltimbanco which was very interesting - the Mime Act. It will surely be fun to be able to tailor it and put it as part of my own segment!

I will also need to clear my final parts of Yahoo Mail and start calling up for castings!

Think I will give my computer genius self a break. I will not try to meddle around with the buring of DVDs today. Perhaps i can arrange and meet Marc tom! OKie! I will do that later!

I must constantly remind myself to have the discipline at home like when i am in the office. it is only then i can succeed!

agenda for tue - 3rd OCT (everyday is important!)

I have too many things i wanna do... this is very bad

Like wat ernesta said... I cannot be known for knowing everythin... I can be only be known for being good at one time... THEN better at knowing many other things~

SO i have decided to catergorize my priorities as such.

1. ACTING
2. SINGING
3. DANCING
4. PLAYING MUSIC.

With this sequence, i will know where to put my time accordingly.
For today, I needa achieve a few things. Time is rushing on my back. I needa get more things done asap!

1. Chant
2. Buy mooncake
3. Check through Yahoo mail to call up and send emails for castings!
4. Go Esplanade to check out books on Opera and Comedy!

ok, so sequence is as such.

I will first go and chant after this, then proceed on to the mooncake shop and pay upfront my moon cake. THEN go down to Esplanade to borrow books and at the same time check through Yahoo mail. THEN I will go back to collect my mooncakes before I go!

okie, set!

A NEW DAY HAS COME~~

I have decided to quit my job.


mix feelings...

some said i've finally woken up... that it's a good idea.

some thinks I'm a quiter. that i didn't try long and hard enough to know what there is for me.

some supports me whatever decision i make.


I guess whether the decision is right or wrong is not determined at the point of my decision.
Rather, it should be how much effort and what kind of discipline can i put in to ensure that my decision is correct.


YES. DISCIPLINE! <--- This is the word that would make a difference between a winner and a quiter!

starting on monday i will do the following:

1. start chanting at least 30 min every morning!
2. go on to yahoo groups and call up all possible auditions and castings!
3. practice my piano every mornin for 30 min!
4. start looking for tuition jobs to do!

I will add on more stuff when i can remember...

Baby! u must help me!!!!!


suddenly i recall this nostalgic smell... a scent of lotsa things to do and lotsa sense of satisfaction!
But it only came in a brief so its not enough for me to recollect this piece of memory.

the pinch of salt that brings high

human are born sadistic. let's admit.
we wun know what is happiness unless there is pain.
but apparently im onli able to understand happiness as a distant unachievable element.
that's my only understanding of happiness, while i indulge myself in a pool of depression.
That is how i know happiness. by lookin at happiness from a distant
while rubbing salt on my wound.

perhaps i can reach it. but it would probably be happiness no more if i can taste it without sadness. That's why i choose to keep my fair share of pain with me, everywhere i go.


happiness - sadness = monotony.

resurrections of the daunting feel.

Early this week, i passed by her house, there was an accident stated.
i was very worried that it could be her.
so i immediately messaged her. asking if she was hurt.
she ask me not to worry, that she is fine.


Lane told me that she still misses me.


i dunno. But she has successfully integrated into a part of me. A part of my history.
A fading but still vivid background. Constantly refocusing into the foreground and swirling back into the blur.


What else can i fall my memories on? All my pictures with her had been incidentally deleted. Its quite interesting to know that in a matter of time, memories have a way to blend into your senses, allowing it to remember only by a feel, a very nostalgic and familiar feel. You no longer remember vivid incidents any longer. You no longer remember all the things that you said, all the places you've been together. Nothing but compressed experiences that could only be triggered from the heart but not the mind.


From her smses, i can feel that she wants to keep, from my smses, u can only feel fear, and that i want to leave. wat a coward.

very miserable day...


Bad mixed of work stress and boss's disapproval of my off for my performance on wed.


Was suspecting that he actually wants me to forgo my performance altogether.


Was feeling very lousy. wanted dot to come over. but she can't. was very disappointed.


Suddenly i recalled the disappoinments that i used to face.


Have been thinkin of calling her.


But today's recollections of the disappointments seems to have convince me that we are really not possible.


That i cannot be with someone who cannot be there for me when im down.


That's somethin she's most capable of.


Perhaps its a good idea that im using a new blog.


In that way, her BF will never be able to read my blog again.


She will always be safe.

1st weekend

this is a very strange weekend...
perhaps ive been too busy the entire weekend.
the weekend seems to have slowed down the entire rhythm that was spun from the week.
the retardation has form a void (again!) that simply allows you to slip into my life.


"she still misses you."
wat a killer remark.
there are perhaps thousand and one reasons why we shouldn't be together.
from different religions to character-clash to the distance away from each other.
but i guess i still miss you.


"can we love two people at the same time?"
"yes."
"... ..."